Keep in mind the fact that this post should have a very droll, detatched tone to it. It sounds like I should be whining, I know. Really, I was speculative while I wrote this.
If you want something upbeat and funny, go somewhere else.
I'm looking forward to this weekend, but not to the recuperation time of the week after. The people at RenFest are what really draw me. Them, and the escape from the drama in my life. RenFest drama is different. It isn't personal. I can step back and be uninvolved if I want to. You can't escape the drama at home, or at school, or at work. It's in your face, personal and demanding. It's something akin to strings tugging you in different directions, demanding your attention for little details, little movements you have to go through, soothing words you have to speak, tasks you have to accomplish because no one else will. At RenFest you can slip that string off your finger, and onto somebody else's. You can sit back in a cheap chair in the smoking section and let the smog envelope you, bringing anonymity with it. For an hour, two, you can sit in the middle of a group of people who know you, like you, but don't want anything from you other than your presence and a funny phrase here and there. There are really no obligations other than to go out there and make money.
Sure there are friends that need attention there, too. But they mostly need you to just sit there and listen to what's going on in their normal life. They just want someone to acknowledge their stresses and worries, and offer a supporting word or two. Most of their stories are interesting, just because the situations are so different from my own. The key is they don't want you to do anything at all about it. Besides, there are only a few people like that. The others don't care either way. They're trying to escape just as much as I am.
Don't misunderstand, now. I'm merely explaining the appeal of RenFest for me, personally. This doesn't mean that my life here in Aggieland sucks, nor does it mean I'm trying to run away. I love and enjoy many of the people here. There are just too many that demand my attention sometimes. Part of me feels bad that I don't have enough time for everybody. The other, bitchier part says they can line up and take a number.
School is stressful, obviously. I'm not alone in that feeling. It tends to be a constant worry in the back of my mind. There is always something I could be doing, preparing for, working on, etc. Sometimes that's invigorating. Lately it's just been irritating.
Home can be comforting - when there isn't something that needs to be done. Living with other people can be both comforting and stressful. Things need to be done there, too. It's difficult to go home and relax, unless I go straight to bed and succumb to sweet oblivion. Even then, I don't dream anymore. It seems like I close my eyes, then wake up a second later to an insistent alarm, feeling the same way I did a moment ago.
Work is mindless. I go through the same motions, time and again, shift after shift. I serve the same faceless, stupid people. I clean the same counters, tidy up the same surfaces, refill the same things. I don't have to think about it, but that in itself is utterly frustrating. A monkey could do my job. Why am I there? I need something to figure out. I want something to think about. I want change. That's another thing about RenFest. You're doing the same jobs, but there will be blips in there that demand double takes. Things seem to change constantly. It's invigorating.
Anyway, Wednesday is my last day at Double Dave's. I won't have to deal with that much longer. I switch over to BISD again on Friday. It won't require too much higher brain function, but at least it'll be more interesting. The guys at DD say they're going to bring whipped cream to work and jump me when I'm walking out the doors after my last shift. I'll tell you if that happens.
This brought me out of my little daze. Sorry if there are grammatical errors, run-on sentences and such. I need to hit my lab report while I'm still functioning. I don't have time to proof read. Have a lovely day!
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